The Death Of Lana
by alexywill22
Summary: Well it was bound to happen dooner or later...well i just hate her. read and review, please!


A/N: Ok, first I have to say that this story has been long over due, but I always got distracted from finishing it, but it is here! Yay for me! This was inspired by a review for my last Smallville fic "Dude where's my shirt?". The review said 'Lana Must Die! And this story immediately popped in my head. So...

Dedication: The Tribble Master! You rock!

Second A/N: I must warn any Lana fan (if there is such a freak) that if the title wasn't enough of a preview, this is not a Lana loving fic. I. Hate. Her. I advice you to not read this if you do like the bitch in pink.

Disclaimer: I do not own Smallville, but give me 3 years and I just might... Muaahahahahahaha

Title: The Death Of Lana.

The silence was getting to the point of insane awkwardness, as the group looked at each other not sure on where to go from here. "I Think, the best course of action is not to panic." Jonathan Kent said as he gave his wife a reassuring smile.

"How can you not panic?" Lois Lane had obviously no tact when it came to such delicate matters.

"No, Dad's right." Clark Kent stepped into the middle of the room. "We're all responsible here."

"Clark's right." Chloe Sullivan said awkwardly. "Plus, we all still have the murder weapons."

Everyone looked at the blood filled baseball bats they each had. "Well, I think the first thing we should do is get rid of the body." Lex Luthor was nothing but a man of logic.

"I can't believe we actually killed her..." Jason Teague said as he realized what he did.

"Oh come on!" Lois smirked. "The girls had it coming. There's so much, 'I'm Lana, I'm so pretty and helpless, oh rescue, love me, my parents are dead, I'm a witch' you can take! It was enough to make anyone want to go crazy and beat her with a baseball bat." Everyone nodded approvingly.

"Well, maybe, we need to get our story straight." Chloe suggested.

"Well, we could say we found her like this." Martha Kent offered.

"Will taking my shirt off help?" Clark asked, a little warn since it had been a whole ten minutes since he walked around shirtless.

"It couldn't hurt." Chloe, Lois, Lex and Jason said together.

"Now, now," Jonathan tried to reason, "nobody has to take off any clothes." A disappointed groan from the Smallville fan-base could be heard in the distance. "Ok, I have an idea." Jonathan continued. "Martha can go tend to the customers outside. Lex will call his 'people' and take care of the body-"

"Why do you assumed I have 'people'?"

"You're a Luthor! Luthors are bad! Therefor, they have 'people'."

"Mr. Kent, after all we've been through I would think you would have a better opinion of me."

"What 'been through'? All you do is hang around my farm all the time and stalk Clark!"

"When have I ever stalked Clark?"

"Like all the freaking time." Lois butted in.

"Yes," Chloe gave it a go. "I mean, we all get he save you, but it is rather strange how you're always around him."

"Always standing behind me, pressuring yourself against me, while your warn breath flows down my neck, so soothing..." Clark realized he was talking out loud. "Right, Anyway..." He decided to move along.

"Guys?" everyone turn their attention to Jason, who was hovering over Lana's dead body. Not actually hovering, just standing over. I need to make that clear, it is Smallville after all. "We need to clean this up, there's like blood everywhere."

"Ugh, my new shoes got ruined." Everyone gave Lois a look. "What? Am I being insensitive?"

"Kinda." Chloe said. "I mean, Lana just died. Sure we may have beating her-"

"Accidentally!" Lex corrected, thinking in their cover story.

"Right, right, 'accidentally' beaten her to death with baseball bats, but she still died. We're suppose to be sad and stuff."

"Are you sure this problem can't solve itself without my shirt?" Clark asked once again.

"Oh for God sakes, TAKE IT OFF!" I'm going to make you guess who said that.

"Hey everyone!" Lionel Luthor greeted as he strolled in.

"We didn't do it!" Lois said quickly.

"What? Killed Ms. Lang? Yes you did. I always know what's going on."

"What do you want father?"

"To be love by you, but I also want to help."

"Can you get rid of the body?" Lois asked.

"Hmm, maybe... but for a price." Lionel said.

"I knew Luthors couldn't be trusted!" Jonathan scowled, looking very attractive when he gets angry.

"I've 'trust' Lex..." everyone stares at Clark. "Um... what's the price?"

"I want to make out with Martha!"

"Lionel!" Martha blushed. She's so cute.

"Over my dead and sexy body!" Jonathan said. Ok, may have added the sexy part.

"Is just one kiss. And all your Lana problems can go away."

Lois smirked once again, I just loved her. "They're already away. She's so dead now." Everyone took a moment to laugh. Real hard. Clark laughed so hard even, his shirt completely ripped off. Oh well.

"Hmmm Clark's chest..." Nope! Not telling you said that either, but it was a different person from before.

"Well what do you say Martha?" Lionel asked once everyone stopped looking at Clark, which was about an hour later.

"Well it is for a good cause..." Martha considered.

"NO!" Jonathan was mad, and looked really hot... anyone else think that the Smallville casting crew is extremely superficial?... but then again it works...

"Jonathan, its just one kiss." Martha assured her husband.

"No, no, no, no, no, no, no!"

"Maybe if someone threw water at me, so my chest its all wet-" Clark didn't get to finish as a shower of water poured down his muscular body... hmm... what was the story about?

"GUYS!" Chloe, the best of the best, interrupted. "Look!" she pointed to Lana's body, that suddenly change to...

"Tina Grier?" Everyone said. Which is weird, cause this isn't a cartoon.

"Guess we didn't kill Lana after all."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Chloe remembered. "Wasn't Tina Grier dead?"

"Ahem." Lionel stepped forward. "I have a perfectly logical explanation for that. You see-" but his explanation (did you really think I was going to give you one, lol, I'm evil, I know) was cut short as the real Lana Lang entered.

"Hey guys!" The stupidest character ever said. "I'm Lana, I'm so pretty and helpless, oh rescue, love me, my parents are dead, I'm a witch-" And just like that they all beat her to death with the baseball bats. Oh well.

End.


End file.
